This is the Life I Always Wanted

I often joke and say "This is the Life I Always Wanted" - like in those moments where you have spent the last hour and a half trying to make bedtime stick with an over tired five year old.........I repeat it like a mantra, like I need reminded

"This is the life I always wanted, This is the life I always wanted"

Or, in those moments where you find your 7 year old covered in make up, make up that you have asked that she go easy on, especially on Sunday church mornings, make up that is now all over the carpet, the poor carpet that is on it's last leg..........I repeat it like a yoga deep breathing relaxing technique

"This is the life I always wanted..........This is the life I always wanted."

Or those moments when two kids are arguing over whether paper beats rock, or lizard beats spock.........while I am driving a mini van (me, driving a mini van?).........and have taken a wrong turn because who can think with all this screaming.................I repeat it like it will act like calgon and take me away

"This is the life I Always Wanted...........This is the life I Always Wanted"

At times I consider writing it on a large piece of paper and put it on my fridge.

There are moments I don't know I how I got this life? Am I old enough to now be the mother of an almost 6 and an almost 8 year old? Am I really old enough to next year celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary? I'm not even going to tell you what high school reunion I might be old enough to attend........

It really does seem like just yesterday I was walking around a college campus, barefoot trying to decide what to major in.

Or, maybe it was just yesterday that Tommy and I were married and spent 7 blissful days in Disney World with no kids. Watching everyone else with kids. Wishing for the life that we have now.

Yep, this crazy life - this is the life I always wanted.

I wanted to wake up on Mother's Day..............and be a MOTHER. To have the pleasure of sitting next to these two fine people in church. To hear about mothers - how to be a good mother, what every mother needs.

I wanted more than anything to carry this sweet angel in my body for 9 months, and spend 42 hours in labor delivering her (well, maybe not that part), to watch her every move - from taking her first breath, to her first step, to reading her first words, to just this year riding her bike without training wheels for the first time........to be her everything. This is the life I always wanted. 

I was thrilled to be blessed AGAIN with this sweet boy..........I wanted to enjoy every kick and turn for the 9 months he lived inside me, to have that thrill of hearing "it's a boy" in the delivery room, to be there for his first breath, his first roll over, his first words, and just recently hearing him read for the first time..........and yes, for now.........to be his everything. Yes, this is the life I always wanted. 

So, on this Mother's Day............I am grateful..............grateful for this life that I always wanted!