Fear WITH Faith

“I may not always be with you the way that I want to be, but I will never leave your side,” Kristina Braverman

My second favorite TV show is Parenthood. I used a VCR to record it each week when my big kids were little. It was literally the cheapest therapy I could find. I would get a cold coke, a box of tissues and sit down for my weekly cathartic cry. A few years ago, the show appeared on Netflix and it became the summer binge series for the Princess and I. 

I have MANY favorite episodes - ones that are guaranteed to always tug at my heart. 

For those who were not Parenthood watchers, Zeke and Camille have four grown children, with families of their own, and are all a bit of a beautiful mess. I would seriously love to be adopted. 

In one particular episode, Amber, one of the teenage grandchildren, was in a bad car accident. After she recovers from surgery and a hospital stay, Zeke (grandpa) takes her out to the storage lot to see the car. 

They stand next to this car, where you realize it's a miracle she's okay, and he talks to her. He tells her how she's his dream. How he spent two years in Vietnam thinking of the family he'd have one day. How he dreamed of her LONG before she ever existed.  How important she is. (at this point one tissue one won't do it - you need a box and a tub of ice cream for this one). 

As I stood in Taylor's storage lot this morning, that episode is all I could think about. We went to say goodbye to "Tiny Car." 

I watched my big kids climb into this car and retrieve their things. 

The damage looks far worse in person. I looked at the glass all over the car. I looked at the blue wrap holding the car together. 

And I remembered to be thankful for this minor inconvenience. 

An employee asked me if it was okay to show them something. I said of course. I was already a fan of Brandt's customer service. 

He walked us over to two cars - with people not so fortunate. A mother and a child on their way home killed by someone who crossed the line. He shared with the kids how every single day he goes to the scene of bad accidents. And how everyone is not so fortunate. How some of those accidents never leave you. 

How some people's mothers aren't standing in a car lot collecting their Nickelback CD and baseball hat.  

Other people's mothers are planning funerals. 

Ever since my gastro health stuff, I've been struggling with the idea of faith over fear. 

Because let's face it , fear is LOUD. 

Fear is captivating. 

And people are .....cliche when they discuss fear. 

"Oh - you just don't pray enough."

"You are just a worry wart."

"God plans all things for good" (that's a soapbox for another day) 

None of that is helpful. I do pray. A lot. 

And there's a large gray area where I think most of the world disagrees on whether its faith or fear. 

I think we could take any issue and argue both sides. 

Wearing a mask - fear of virus. Wearing a mask - faith in the scientists that tell us wearing a mask reduces exposure. 

Somehow in this balance of faith and fear I also have to take into consideration teen invincibility. 

The idea that my teenagers may not have enough fear to keep them safe. 

I made a lot of poor choices in my teen/young adult years. But I also had a healthy amount of fear of serious trouble so there were lines I would not cross. 

I think we could argue that it isn't really faith versus fear. Because in many lights, we are called to fear God. 

But rather turning our fears over to Jesus so we are not alone with them. 

The bible says "do not be afraid" a lot but I don't think Jesus actually thinks we will never be afraid. 

Rather, I think we are called to confess our fear and not be in it alone. 

Mama Warriors, I watched my two crazy big kids climb on the hood of that car for a picture today and all I could think is "there's my dream."

As much as 20 something year old me thought this mom gig would look different in action, I always wanted to be their mother. 

I dreamed them. 

I stood there today reminding myself that I am fighting fear again. That their lives feel so precious. So fragile. 

I choose to confess the fear and not stand in it alone. 

I choose to conquer fear WITH faith - not choose one over the other. 

Fear WITH faith.